Rebuilding After The Destruction

Well, I am back.

Almost a year of a dry spell and I am back here. Rebuilding from the debris of 2013. Shitty year, I must say.

November of last year, a gifted friend did a reading on me. He said that the end of the year and early of 2014 will be marked with upheavals in my personal life. I was never one who easily subscribed to what Fate brings. I have always rebelled against it, gone against the flow.

"What if I fight it?" I asked a few months after the reading.
"It will hold. But it will be like building a dam out of matchsticks. It's bound to happen, sooner or later," he replied.

I was wracked with swirling emotions. Mostly anger about the inevitability of Fate. Aren't we supposed to control our own? Why can't I?

So I delayed it. Doing nothing but trying to keep the status quo. But realization dawned that it indeed can only hold for so long. So with a feeling like getting stabbed repeatedly in the heart, I resigned to it. I let go.

Photo credit here.

What's one to do in the face of futility? How do you respond when the Universe laughs at your face for trying so damn hard to fight the inevitable? There are so many things that I wanted to say to him but I don't even know where to begin. And I feel like such an asshole for not even giving a believable explanation of my actions. I do not know if he understands, but I hope he would. I also hope that he will have the resilience to go through this. Maybe someday, we can get to talk about it objectively. Without the tears. Without the slicing pain in the chest. Without the desire to go back and build a dam out of matchsticks. Honestly speaking, I am lost. I do not know where to begin.

Well, the dam burst and the rushing waters destroyed everything in its path.

We need to get up out of this rubble and start rebuilding things. But this time, separately.

I wish him the best.

I really do.